The Prodigal Prostate: Gone but Not Forgotten
Issue No. 52 - the recovery, the scars, the catheter, and Andor
Dear readers,
Reporting to you from the comfort of home: prostate-less, catheter-free, and slowly morphing back into a functioning human being. Each day I get a bit better, a little less hunched, and slightly more optimistic about wearing pants again.
A sincere thank you to everyone who shared their own stories, texted me through the weird hours, dropped off meals and treats, or sent gifts. It has meant so much to me and I will not forget your kindness.
Now, let me say something that feels on-brand: I dramatically underestimated major surgery.
In my head, I imagined this being a minor inconvenience. A long lunch break. A speed bump. I was genuinely convinced I’d be back at work in two days, giving TED Talks and chasing children. Instead, I was introduced to a series of unpleasant surprises, each one humbling me in its own delightful way. Let’s review the top three.
1. Stomach Chaos, a Love Story
Apparently, to access the buried treasure that is the prostate, they pump your abdomen full of gas to make space for the robot. Nobody told me I’d wake up feeling like I swallowed a leaf blower. The bloating, cramping, and general digestive betrayal were next-level. It felt like my guts had gone twelve rounds with a Vitamix.
2. Six Incisions and a Swelling
The first time I looked down, I assumed a med student got creative with a laser pointer. Six small to medium but mighty incisions, each one delivering a death metal verses of pain, swelling, and burning. Laparoscopic sounds so clean and futuristic—like a spa day for your organs. It’s not. However, my healing game has been strong, and I can almost touch my toes again (if I squint and lie).
3. The Catheter: A Medieval Ball and Chain
Eleven days. One tube. One bag. Zero fun.
Think of it as a medieval punishment device fused with the temperament of an angry elf. It clung to me like a cursed artifact, a literal ball and chain for my most sensitive parts—swinging, snagging, and reminding me of its presence every time I dared to feel hopeful. It was less medical device, more personal vendetta.
When it was finally removed, I didn’t just feel relief—I felt vengeance had been served. The kind of vengeance John Wick would nod at before disappearing into the night.
Consumption - all the things I’ve been putting in this head of mine.
Watching
Leslie and I finally finished Ozark after a two-year gap. I miss Marty and Ruth.
My friend Eric raved about Andor, so that has been a big focus of mine. It’s the best Star Wars series IMHO. And feels the least Disney of them all. Just finished Season 2…
So I naturally rewatched Rogue One - which has to be the best Star Wars movie. Fantastic and helped me appreciate Andor even more.
I watched Manchester United lose in the Europa League Final. They were total shit this year and I am so glad the season is almost over. Back to the drawing board.
Links
G-Shock And Crocs Made The Wildest Collab of 2025
Krispy Kreme Celebrates PAC-MAN’s 45th Anniversary With Nostalgic Doughnuts
How Disney Adults Are Feeling About Disneyland Abu Dhabi
Super Mario Bros. Movie sequel accidentally drops official title
Al Capone's Patek Philippe Pocket Watch
Final ‘F1’ movie trailer drops ahead of eagerly anticipated June release
I’m not quite out of the woods. I am still healing and have restrictions on my movement. And there are a ‘couple’ of other things I’ll need ensure are operating correctly. Plus blood tests every phew months. But I am in an incredible position.
But you know what? F U cancer. I addressed this head on, with positivity and gratitude - and the humor of a teenager.
Thank you for being on this journey with me. And for letting me share all of this without unfollowing…yet.
Much love,
Daniel
I'm so glad everything turned out ok and you are on the mend!